I have been pondering on this term ‘Intimacy’ more recently, as myself and esteemed colleague Joni Morrissey, are organisning an event called Perimenopause: The Initimacy Edition. The main drive behind this event is to break the taboo on this topic particurlarly in this season and it is when women are most commonly feeling the most lost. Yes, it is to do with pelvic health changes and sexual health changes but what if initimacy is actually very different to sex? Describing initimacy can mean many things to me and in fact one of the main reasons why I began a social media account in the first place was to ‘create intimacy’ with prospective clients. By introducing myself first online, this allowed clients to see my face, hear my voice, know my mannerisms and general persona BEFORE they actually booked an appointment. This helped them overcome their vulnerability, by me being vulnerable first and opening the door. I often say to clients on our first appointment, that it is a bit like dating and we often don’t go to third base on our first date! We need to build a relationship based on trust first.

So, what if we replace the word intimacy with the word vulnerability?

To be intimate with someone is to be vulnerable. This is why it is so often transferred to the world of sex because to have sex is also a place of vulnerability (it is also why we have so many hang ups with it). In order to create initimacy, we must first create safety. Safety of being vulnerable. Safety of being seen and heard in a state of messiness and acceptance to be just as we are. This. Is. Intimacy. In fact, I am now at an age when I am engaging with others, whether it’s friends or at social events, I crave intimacy! I can no longer be bothered with the bullshit, small talk conversation about what I do and where do I summer?! I crave connection and talking with someone on a level where we can feel so safe and so comfortable, that there is no topic of converstaion that is off the table. It is essentially deep rooted connection, that creates the environment for intimacy to thrive.

This is very likely a reason why I do the job that I do. Creating a safe space for clients to come and share with me their biggest vulnerabilities, whether that is their irregular bowel habits, issues with sex or just feelings that they are broken and can not be fixed. My job is to create the space, the safety and compassion for a client to talk and then walk alongside them in their journey of vulnerability and help them get back to feeling that they are in fact bloody magical and accepted for exactly who they are. Aswell as helping them to poop, pee and have sex without issue 😉

Perimenopause & Intimacy issues.

So when Joni and I began putting together these events, what we were really aiming for is to create space and safety for wāhine to arrrive exactly as themselves. To be seen and heard without judgement or comment. To create intimacy within a group setting so they could then let go of these barriers creating resistance and essentially just be themselves. Now perimenopause is a wild fuckin’ ride. Just like puberty and pregnancy, each season has something to teach us. Our bodies go through changes that can feel so foreign to us, that it can feel like we are going into battle every day but within our own bodies. A constant, exhausting fight that no one can ever really win as it comes from within. However, what if this season offers the opportunity to shed a layer of resistance and if we understood the changes better, we could use this opportunity to rid ourselves of stories, narratives and people that no longer serve us? Instead of a battlefield, the body becomes a place of mediation and understanding. A place of healing.

But … it is bloody confronting.

It would be a lot easier if we could just keep doing what we were doing in our 20’s and 30’s but to be very honest with you, I don’t want to go back to that version of me. I was riddled with feeling of ‘not enoughness’, constant people pleasing and playing a role of mediator for most relationships that I was in at the time. This version of me at 43 is battered and bruised and has lived through some of the hardest things I ever dared believe that could happen, as I am sure I am not the only one. I now find myself craving that connection and intimacy with people to help me be the best version of me, for me.

So where to from here?

If you are reading this and feel a sense of connection and resonance, then welcome you have arrived. It has done it’s just to connect with you on a level of honesty and being open and it is these conversations that I want to have more of. More information on our events can be found on our socials pages but if you wish to take a look at booking (and don’t have social media – I am very jealous!) then here are the links:

https://events.humanitix.com/perimenopause-the-intimacy-edition-one-day-retreat

https://events.humanitix.com/perimenpause-the-initimacy-edition-3hr-workshop

Your pelvis and your overall wellness self will thank you for it.  

Emma x